Over working... in moderation

So I spent the weekend suffering because I've literally worked myself into a stand still. I was so over tired that I couldn't even go to church yesterday- something I haven't done in months, because I'm always working. I swear, without this promise of India, I would never be able to drag myself out of bed at five fifty in the morning, strap on my bookstore appropriate wardrobe, drive the 45 minutes into town, work for five hours shelving books (oh joy, my most favorite thing) then have an hour or two off where I crash in the backseat of my car before rushing into my school to work four hours with a whole slew of overly excitable kids (take them outside, even for twenty minutes, and it throws off the rest of the day- they've got too much energy and no where to expel it and it drives my boss so crazy she yells at them for something they can't control. Sigh.) Then I drive the hour home, eat something, take as long a shower as I think my step dad will allow (we do live in a desert/plains area after all and water is a valuable commodity) before falling into bed to do it all over again the next morning. And then today, as if to make everything even more amazing, I discovered I need a tourist visa to go to India- what?!?!? Don't they want people to come to their country?!?! So why are they going to make me go through all the hassle of getting a visa, paying the fee, photocopying every piece of documentation that proves I'm an American citizen and would potentially allow anyone to steal my identity before mailing it off with my passport with the hopes that it will be returned to me in ten business days. And to top it all off, I didn't feel any better today- it's like a took a piece of sandpaper to my throat, a sledge hammer to my stomach, and have been carrying an elephant on my neck.
38 days. That's what I have to keep reminding myself- 38 days and India will be within my reach and I will be living it up, traveling through all of the gorgeous foreigness of that amazing country- and feeling more like myself than I have since returning from Wales.
And then what? 21 amazing days of India and then I return... to what? That is the question I am putting off, ignoring, but that is the question that needs, more than anything else, to be answered.