Lessons for Shopping at a Bookstore...Round 2

Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen. Your local chain bookstore has a few more tips for you while you enjoy your time pursuing our bookshelves...
1. When a book is published in hardback, it is ONLY in hardback. It takes EIGHT to TWELVE MONTHS for the publishes to republish the book in paperback. So when you want the new JD Robb or the new James Patterson, and you simply can not wait, you will have to buy the hardback. Stop asking me if you can get it in paperback. NO YOU CAN NOT.
2. Calendars are only carried from October until about New Year's Day. We do not keep a stock of them in the store year round; so if you come in 31 DAYS after the new year has started, expecting a great selection of sweet fuzzy puppies or majestic mountain views, do not get all pissy with me when I show you what we have left- it's your own damn fault that you got stuck with Hannah Montana.
3. If you are looking for a book that was published sometime before this decade, do not expect us to have it on the shelf. In fact, do not expect us to be able to get ahold of it- publishers STOP publishing books after a certain period because the world moves on; so that random ass cookbook or history book that your mother had when you were ten- yea, we're not your people. FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO FIND IT FOR YOU. And stop yelling at me for something I have no control over.
4. I'm not a magician; if you stop me with my arms full of books and expect me to be able to walk you to twelve different books on an obscure topic all over the store; first off I'm going to hate you for forcing me to stop when I'm about to drop the huge stack of books I have to put away from other moronic customers who can't clean up after themselves and second I'm going to have to go to my computer. Now, if you're lucky enough to have the exact title of the stupid book you want, and you're lucky enough to have my system find it for you, then don't get all pissy at me when we don't have it- after all, we sell books, not obscure historical literature on the making of shoe laces.
5. And last but not least, please remember that your local bookseller is a PERSON and we really want to go home at the end of the night too. Sleeping is something all humans are fond of and we'd really appreciate it if you could assist us by getting OUT OF OUR BOOKSTORE WHEN WE TELL YOU TO!!!
Thanks yet again!