Rules for the bookstore, lesson 3

Good evening ladies and gentlemen, patrons of your local chain bookstore. I know you have all been reading the rules as they have been posted, so you are well educated as to what is expected of you. Here are a few more to encourage you to have a happy and joyful time.
1. Yes, we got rid of our big comfy chairs. I am so sorry that this has ruined your day, perhaps your week, and for some of you, I know this has altered the course of your life forever. Deal with it. Those chairs were gross- Corporate put them there in the hopes that well respected patrons would purchase their lattes and wile away an afternoon sipping said coffee and enjoying a good book but finally realized that really the chairs brought the homeless, the nasty, the greasy and the flee infested and their mountain of books which they would leave for us lucky booksellers to put away. I wouldn't have sat in one of those chairs even if you'd paid me. Really, we're doing a great service to humanity.
2. We ask you, "did you find everything okay?" because we have to. We ask you, "do you have a membership card?" because we have to. We ask you, "would you like a bag?" because we have to. We get paid minimum wage. We do not get paid to come up with more witty and intellectual questions.
3. DO NOT ask me if I can spell. DO NOT. I work in a bookstore, therefore I have a few more brain cells then the average population and when I ask you to spell something for me, I am simply making sure I have it right or more likely you have it right- because more often than not, you have no idea what the actual title or author is and I am trying to get you to spell it for me so I can understand what you are asking from me. When I ask you to spell "Found" because you said "Funt" DO NOT look at me and say, "You don't know how to spell found?" Soon, Corporate will issue our company tasers and you will be the first I come for.
4. Twilight and the entire world of Twilight, including the new Bree book, is a waste of space on our shelf. Do not try to talk about Twilight with anyone who works at a bookstore, because as before mentioned, booksellers have a few more brain cells than the average human being and we are all aware of how utterly horrible Twilight is. Please contain yourself, purchase your book, feeling the shame you should feel for reading such filth, and kindly get out of our store. Do not come back until you can read something decent.
5. And once again, because I can not stress this enough, we ARE NOT YOUR BABYSITTERS. Do not ask us to watch your children so you can go get a cup of coffee, do not drop them at the Thomas the Train table and slink away, do not bring your enormous stack of porn back to the children's department and then get so wrapped up in it that you don't see what your children are up to (i.e. yanking every single book off the shelf. Appreciate that.) I will not be responsible for what happens to your child when I auction them off on the black market. And I certainly will not share the money with you.

Thank you and have a good night!